Flashes of the Past

My students from last year have now found solace in coming into my room before school starts. This morning J, A, and R all decided to make their way to my school abode and interesting coversations ensued. We enter...

J: "Mr. A., you still finna use that card system to get people in trouble?"

Mr. A: "Well J, it was never a system that existed solely to get you in trouble. Rather, I was attempting to maximize your learning opportunities by tempering behavior issues."

A: "What you be talking about Mr. A?"

R: "Yeah my brotha from anotha motha, besides, I was always good."

Mr. A: "Fascinating R, evidently you have chosen to black out the time you chased down fellow classmates with scissors. Which was triggered due to the fact that we had nine vocabulary words that week instead of eight."

R: "What? I loved vocabulary. Give me some dap Mr. A."

Mr. A: "OK, but just a little dap."

J: "Ahhh, he still scanlous y'all."

Mr. A: "I told you before...scanlous 'til the end."

Career Options

M is not too happy right about now. He has been put through the torture of having his red card pulled, which essentially means I will be calling his mom. This frustrates M. I am trying to explain to him the importance of focusing on school and making better behavior choices. We enter...

Mr. A: "M, you need to start making some better behavior choices and focus on your education.

M: "I don't need to do that...I'm my own teacher."

Mr. A: "But I'm here to help you, and remember, the stronger reader you are, the better student you are. These can open up doors in life to more job opportunities."

M: "I don't care, I don't need a job when I grow up, I'm gonna be a hustla!"

Mr. A: "Hmmm, fascinating career choice, but perhaps we could focus on something a little more legal?"

The Physics of Urination

Students are provided ample opporntunity to use the restroom...ample opportunity. That being said, D continuously says she needs to use the restroom due to an emergency. On this particular occasion she decided to explain to me why. We enter...

D: "Mr. A I have to use it!"

Mr. A: "Right, much like you had to use it fifteen minutes ago when I let you go, and much like the 30 minutes prior to that when I let you go as well."

D: "Mr. A, I have to tell you something."

Mr. A: "OK, go ahead."

D: "Sometimes when I drink things up here (D points to her mouth) it has to come out down here (D points to her "southern region.")"

Mr. A: "Well, you see D, that's sort of the case for everyone. When we drink liquids, or eat food, the digestive system...you know what, just take the pass and go."

Year Two...Already?

OK kids, I'm back. This was hands down the shortest summer of my life. However, I did get to go back to the promise land that is Minnesota, so it was extremely therapeutic. That being said, I'm back teaching again. I know, I know. This year will be slightly different folks. This year Mr. A is teaching 3rd and 4th grade. However, I am still exposed to students of all ages, so there will be gems that cross grade levels.

I do apologize for not getting this started sooner, but things have been slightly intense. To be perfectly honest, I haven't even been writing down my gems during the day like I did last year. However, I couldn't fire this thing up and not give you something, so here we go...year two is officially under way for Teachable Quotes:

I am in the middle of breaking down the expectations for the students. I want to make sure that they understand that Mr. A does not put up with any nonsense. Every choice has a consequence. Most of the students are understanding this, but D is a little wary. We enter...

Mr. A: "OK third graders, we need to make sure that we are following these expectations, otherwise our not so good choices may give us some not so good consequences."

D: "What? I don't care, you can't do anything to me."

Mr. A: "I can call your mom."

D: "Oh snap...that is good."

I Made It?

My first year of teaching is over. Sometimes I feel like I just blacked out for the whole thing, but this blog has been a pretty jarring reminder. In all honesty though, it has been an amazing year. The purpose of this blog is to show the lighter side of my job. Although many of these chaotic things do not feel light while they are happening, they can certainly manifest into that form after the fact. Additionally, writing this stuff down has been a way for me to almost maintain my sanity. This is a difficult job. Without certain kinds of outlets one could begin to slip.

I truly am so proud of everything my students have done this year. The progression from hiding under tables, throwing random objects, fighting, constant threats, etc. to being able to make the growth they have in reading levels, math mastery, and more has been incredible to say the least. Are we where we need to be? No, but I know that the foundation has been laid and the importance of education has been revealed.

I will be welcoming several new teachers to my school next year, and am very excited to see the achievement I know awaits us. I will be teaching 3rd grade instead of 5th. Fortunately my old students are just a stone's throw away. Please join me next year if you finna get down with some more roasting and teachable quotes fun. Thanks for reading...see ya in the fall!

Skin Pigment

The last day of school consisted of going to a park. As such, I was wearing shorts for the first time all year. This was a major event for my students. We enter...

B: "Hey y'all, look at Mr. A's legs!"

A: "Ooooh, you need some lotion real bad Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Cause you be all ashy."

B: "Yeah Mr. A, that's the worst ash I ever seen cuz."

Mr. A: "That's not ash, that's the color of my skin."

A: "But it's so white. If you put some lotion on that mug you could probably get rid of some of that."

Mr. A: "Well it's not really possible to get rid of my skin pigment simply by applying lotion."

B: "Pigment? Mr. A you ain't finna start teaching us something right now on the last day of school when we ready to leave are you?"

Mr. A: "Life is just one big lesson B, but no, we have to board the bus now, so we'll just do a mini-lesson on the bus...you can sit next to me."

D: "Ha, B just got juiced by Mr. A."

Mr. A: "That's what I'm here for, just juicing to the end."

Personification

The students are all in the cafeteria for breakfast. As much as they pretend to not like me, they consistently crowd around the table where I sit each morning. P, a seventh grader, has noticed that some of the students have different bowls for their cereal than is typically the norm. It appears they had run out of the standard bowls and so they were using what looked liked disposable Tupperware. This excited P. We enter...

P: "Oooh, look at them bowls y'all got."

J: "Yeah, these is boosey man. They be all big and stupid looking."

Mr. A: "It's just a bowl, I feel like you're analyzing this too much."

P: "Yeah but Mr. A, look at them mugs!"

Mr. A: "No, I know. I see them. I guess I'm just not as perplexed by them as you are."

P: "Y'all look like homeless people eating out them dusty ass mugs. Them bowls is LD!"

Mr. A: "Well P, a bowl can't really take on the human characteristic of living with a learning disability. Well, I suppose in the literature arena it could, thus being referred to as personification."

P: "Huh? No one knows what that means Mr. A. All I'm saying is them bowls is LD Cuz, and all y'all look like homeless people eating from them."

Mr. A: "Note to self, stronger emphasis on literary terms for next year."