Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Music Taste

It's tutoring time once again. The students are supposed to be tuning up their skills in language arts and math, but instead they feel like rapping inappropriate songs. They also were initially unaware that I knew these songs and that, just because they left out the last line, that didn't mean I was unaware where they were going with it. We enter...

D: "This lesson is boosey." In his best singing/rapping voice. "I'm gonna pick the world up and drop it on its..."

Mr. A: "OK, that's enough D, I know that song and I definitely don't need you to be finishing that line. Wouldn't it be more dope if you worked on some reading comprehension strategies right now?"

B: "Mr. A, ain't no one finna work on some dusty ass reading." In his best singing/rapping voice. "I can make your bed rock..."

Mr. A: "Yeah OK, also not appropriate during tutoring time."

D: "Mr. A, you just be hating cause you don't listen to rap."

Mr. A: "I actually do, but that's not what we're discussing right now."

D: "No way, you be listening to like...Mozart or somethin' else dusty...you know like, da na na na na na na na naaaaaaa." D begins to hum the tune to Beeethoven's Fur Elise."

Mr. A: "That's actually Beethoven."

D: "Damn Mr. A! Why you always gotta be knowing everything and roasting us. How do you know this stuff anyway?"

Mr. A: "I paid attention and worked during tutoring time."

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Test

It's that time of year...state standardized test time. I have been spending the last couple of weeks trying to get my students prepared both academically and mentally for this grueling process. During a practice session, they were becoming increasingly agitated about the difficulty of the questions. They were not afraid to make these frustrations known, and also had some inside tips as to how we could skirt the test. We enter...

B: "Mr. A, this mug is hard boy."

S: "Yeah Mr. A, ain't no one finna take this stupid ass thing...them words don't even make sense."

Mr. A: "Listen you guys, you can do this. Success is measured by effort. We've come a long way from the beginning of the year, and whether you've noticed it or not, you have all grown and learned a lot. The key is to not give up."

R: "So you finna be in here during the test right Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Well yeah, I have to be in here."

R: "That would be dope if you just gave us the answers, then we would all look tight."

Mr. A: "That would be cheating R, it's unethical, immoral and illegal. If we were caught, your tests would be shredded and I would potentially be fired."

L: "That would be even more tight, maybe them light skinned dudes from the news would come and talk to us about Mr. A getting fired. Then I'd be on TV and I'd flex and look all sexy."

R: "Ain't no one wanna look at yo' dusty, grizzly bear looking self...them mugs would interview me, and I'd tell them Mr. A made me cheat, then they be finna feel sorry for me, and that gets the ladies."

Mr. A: "Thanks for the support guys."

J: "We just playin' Mr. A, you actually pretty cool...you have hot chips."

Mr. A: "Indeed I do...indeed I do."

Monday, March 22, 2010

If It Keeps Him Away From It...

As previously mentioned, my students have a drug education class once a week. During this particular class period they were playing a game of "Drug Awareness Baseball" in which they needed to answer questions about drugs to reach base, score runs, etc. D confidently strides to the plate. We enter...

Drug Ed Teacher: "OK D...what are two things that happen when you smoke marijuana?"

D: "Ummm...I finna say...."

S: "Will you hurry up boy! If yo' dusty self can't get a hit we lose the game. If we lose the game then I don't get no Laffy Taffy. If I don't get no Laffy Taffy, I finna molly whomp you."

D: "Girl, ain't no one can concentrate when yo' amazon looking self keeps talking...I would say that your breath smells bad, and no one likes you."

Drug Ed Teacher: "Not really the answer I was looking for...but I'll accept it since they were negative things."

S: "Laffy Taffy y'all!"

Mr. A: "Well clearly we have established how to keep you away from drugs...bribe you with candy."

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Spring Break

It is currently Spring Break...and Mr. A couldn't be more happy about it. That being said, Mr. A did receive three new students right before the break so there will undoubtedly be many good posts to come...just living the dream.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Nature Saavy

Before reading a story that took place in a forest of the Northwest, I challenged my students. I challenged them to collectively name 15 different kinds of trees. If they could accomplish such a feat, I would give them each a Tootsie Roll. They were able to name 8 legitimate types of trees before the following event ensued. We enter...

D: "I got one Mr. A! You know them trees? They be on the beach an' all dat stuff?

R: "Oh yeah, them mugs is dope...they're called beach trees."

Mr. A: "No, sorry guys, there is no such thing as a beach tree...good try though."

A: "Yeah there is Mr. A, they be all up in warm places like...like you know warm places where there be beaches nearby."

Mr. A: "Are you guys referring to a palm tree perhaps?"

B: "Ohhhhh, Mr. A be straight roasting on you guys! You be finna name a tree and you're all wrong and then Mr. A the egghead rolls in and be finna straight roast y'all with the right answer."

Mr. A: "Thanks B, but I can honestly say I was not 'finna straight roast anyone'...I was merely attempting to clarify the response."

B: "Whatever you say Mr. A...you better at roasting than you think."

Friday, March 5, 2010

That's One Way To Break Up A Fight

E and S are taking their verbal argument to the next level. They begin to fight in the commons area of the school. Meanwhile, L has been complaining of a stomach ache, but L complains about a lot of things. We enter...

E: "Girl, I finna pull the weave right out of yo hair!"

S: "But you can't whoop this weave and yo mama's on Prospect again tonight!"

E: "Then do somethin'!"

S throws a punch and E retaliates. I jump in to break it up...standard practice.

L: "Mr. A, I gots the bubble guts cuzz."

Mr. A: "Not now L, go get Mr. F!"

Evidently L wasn't playing. He proceeds to projectile vomit in the midst of the fight. Surprisingly this was quite effective at breaking up the altercation.

S: "Oh, you musty L."

E: "Damn boy, it's all red too...he shouldn't a been finna eat so many hot chips!"

Mr. A: "Well this is helpful to the situation...thanks life."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Senior Citizen

The topic of age found its way into the classroom...again. My students are convinced that, despite looking like I'm 18-years-old, I am extremely old in age. They tend to run with this concept sometimes in a feeble, yet humorous, attempt to "roast" me. We enter...

B: "Yeah Mr. A, you straight old wodie."

Mr. A: "I'm really not you guys. We go over this again and again, 26 is pretty young relatively speaking."

J: "Nah Mr. A, you just be relatively old."

T: "Mr. A's dusty self finna be all up in a nursing home tomorrow...that'd be dope, then we wouldn't have any school."

Mr. A: "Yeah, it doesn't really work that way."

L: "Mr. A, you finna already smell like an old dude...like Ben Gay and all dat stuff."

Mr. A: "Moving on...who likes reading comprehension strategies!"