Twins Are In Town!

My beloved Minnesota Twins are in town this weekend. I announce to my class that I will be attending the game. They seemed excited at the prospect of seeing me outside of the classroom. We enter...

J: "So what day you going Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "My plan is to go on Saturday."

R: "Yeah, I'm finna go Saturday too! I'll be all up in that mug and finna roast on you about the Twins."

Mr. A: "Turns out there's a lot of people at those games, so you may not see me."

R: "Skip that, I finna find you so you can buy me some nachos...them mugs is dope!

B: "Hell no you dusty lil thang, Mr. A be finna buy me nachos cause I'm a playa and you soft."

R: "What boy? You soft like yo' Mama's pillow."

B: "But you can't whoop this soft boy...thought so."

Mr. A: "Perhaps we should take a step back. First of all, I'm not finna buy anyone nachos. Second of all, if I were to buy someone nachos, it would not be based on who could potentially beat up the other person. Finally, I see you guys too much. If I saw you on a Saturday...I would hide."

S: "Ohhhh, Mr. A be straight roasting again!"

The State is Boosey

My students recently finished their state testing. Prior to the testing, I had bribed them with a party if I determined they were giving their full effort and concentration throughout the testing. Today I announced who would and who would not be attending the party. L was not satisfied with the announcement. We enter...

L: "What! Damn Mr. A, why ain't you finna let me come to the hot chip party?"

Mr. A: "L, I laid out my expectations very clearly prior to testing. We know that much of success is measured by effort, and that is what I was looking for. You did not provide that effort. Therefore, you will not be attending the party."

L: "That's straight boosey! How you gonna tell me I didn't give no effort?"

Mr. A: "L, is it really necessary for me to be explicit about the nature of my decision in front of the rest of the class? Perhaps you and I could have a conversation after class?"

L: "Oh hell no, tell me...I want hot chips!"

Mr. A: "Well, in the middle of the mathematics session, you verbally declared that math was boosey, and you were not finna take this stupid ass test. You then proceeded to take the test, throw it at the wall, and tell me you were out cause you were finna shoot hoops."

L: "I'll take the test now."

Mr. A: "Sorry L, I'm kind of handcuffed by the state."

L: "The state is boosey...I'm finna shoot hoops."

L exits the room

Mr. A: "Exhibit A."

L Likes Food...What Can I Say?

We have been continuing to review for the state mandated test that is approaching. Currently we are studying how to tell time after a certain amount has elapsed. This particular question asked, "Katie is making potatoes, and she put them in the oven at 5:35 pm. If the potatoes need to cook for 1 hour and 30 minutes, what time should Katie take them out of the oven?" This question caught L's attention. We enter...

L: "What? Why is that girl fiinna cook those potatoes in the oven? When I be making potatoes, I finna put them in the microwave. Get some sour cream, and bacon, toss some cheese on that mug..."

S: "Boy! Do you ever stop thinking about food? With yo' big headed, fat self.

L: "Shut up you nappy haired komodo dragon." (We recently watched Planet Earth.)

S: "I'll shut up when you stop being ugly."

Mr. A: "As stimulating as this conversation is, how about we focus on the question, so you guys can succeed on this test. So L, what time will Katie have to take the potatoes out?"

L: "Huh? Katie should take them out of the microwave...five minutes after she puts it in."

Mr. A: "Alright, so clearly we still have our work cut out for us."

Incognito Tagging?

I approached E, an eigth grader, in the hallway as she was very clearly tagging the wall. The following conversation ensued. We enter...

Mr. A: "E, what do are you doing."

E: "I'm tagging this wall Mr. A."

Mr. A: "I see that...why?"

E: "Cause I'm tight like that."

Mr. A: "Right on...I hear that."

I walk into my room, grab a write-up sheet and begin writing up E in plain view so she can see me.

E: "Mr. A, you writing me up?"

Mr. A: "You know it."

E: "Why?"

Mr. A: "Cause I'm tight like that."

T: "Ohhhhhhh, you just got straight roasted E!"