Interesting Philosophy D

The students were having their weekly DARE class. During this time they were supposed to be learning about "gateway drugs." However, D was clearly more interested in playing with his hooded sweathshirt. I approached him in an effort to point his attention in the right direction. We enter...

Mr. A: "D, what are you doing? You are making some poor choices and being very disrespectful to Officer Johnson right now."

D: "I was just finna look at my jacket Mr. A."

Mr. A: "I see that...may I ask why?"

D: "Well I was thinking about if people lived in jackets."

Mr. A: "If people lived in jackets?"

D: "Yeah, like you and all the other people with white mugs would be living in the pockets."

Mr. A: "OK."

D: "Yeah, and all the black folk be livin' in the hood son!"

B: "Juiced!"

Mr. A: "Why did I get juiced? Let's just go ahead and pay attention...juiced!"

Slightly Confused

My students have clearly watched too much Maury on TV, and heard too much about indentity theft. As such, they were clearly confused one day when they made the assumption that you could steal someone's identity by extracting a piece of their hair. I tried to clear this up for them in the hallway, but the fire was already too strong. We enter...

S: "I got a piece of J's hair, I'm finna steal your identity!"

J: "Girl you better not steal my identity. I ain't playin' wit' you!"

Mr. A: "You see the thing is guys..."

B plucks out a piece of D's hair from behind.

B: "Oh hell yeah, look at dis mug I got here! I be stealing D's identity hard over here...Juiced!"

D: "You best give me my identity back before I crack you in the mouth boy!"

B: "I'm gonna make you my daughter with this."

Mr. A: "No, once again, I think we're slightly confused with how this whole identity and DNA thing works. You see..."

R plucks out a piece of M's hair and claims he now has his identity. Pretty soon there is a bit of a melee in the hall as the students continue to try and "steal identities" from one another. I call Mr. F on the radio for reinforcements.

Mr. F: "What's going on up here?"

J: "S's dusty self be stealing my identity and then B stole D's identity and said he would make him his daughter, and then..."

Mr. F: "Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Yeah, that's pretty much how it went down. Apparently a mini-lesson on DNA will be on the schedule for next week."

Matchmaker

My school is connected to The Boys and Girls Club. As such, we often share the gym with the kids and their staff. Today R decided he would play Cupid and try and set me up with the female staff member at The Boys and Girls Club. Of course, I had no idea he was doing this. We enter...

R: "Don't worry Mr. A...I straight hooked you up cuz."

Mr. A: "I'm not really sure what this is in reference to."

R: "I went and told Ms. E that you finna go out with her."

Mr. A: "OK, the only issue is that I didn't say I wanted to go out with her."

R: "Yeah, but Mr. A, you need you some lovin' boy, and y'all would be perfect together."

Mr. A: "Oh yeah, why's that?"

R: "Cause she white."

Mr. A: "So by that rationale, any white woman would be perfect for me."

R: "Well I don't know, you two be the only white mugs up in this, so I thought it would work."

Mr. A: "Right...how about you just stick to basketball while we're in the gym."

You People

I have just finished playing an intense game of basketball with my students. In addition to hustling them on the court, my hair was a little on the wild side. I approached the drinking fountain with my students, and put some water in my hand to assist in matting down my hair. B questioned this. We enter...

B: "What you doing Mr. A? Why do you people always do that?"

Mr. A: "What do you mean, 'you people,' and what am I doing?"

B: "You be finna put water on yo' hand and stuff. You know, like white people always be doing that."

Mr. A: "You're telling me that white people, more than anyone else, have a tendency to put water on their hands?"

B: "Yeah, that's why y'alls hands always be soft like a baby's bottom and that."

Mr. A: "Well the thing about water B...actually, just forget it...you finna hit up some writing though? Us people love that stuff."