Really? I'm Scandinavian and Irish.

My students tend to ask things completely out of context and completely out of left field. Clearly this day was no different. The following question, which was the catalyst for the following discussion, came in the middle of a lesson on using context clues. Let it also be noted that the student did not raise her hand. We enter...

Mr. A: "So how else can we be active readers and use context clues while reading?"

A: "Mr. A, is you really white?"

Mr. A: "OK, that's a check for talking without permission, but since you've already said it, what do you mean?"

A: "I mean, you always talking like you black. I think you black."

Mr. A: "Really? I'm Scandinavian and Irish you guys."

R: "I don't know what that mean, but you don't really look black."

Mr. A: "I would say that's a good observation."

R: "Yeah, you mostly be looking really white, except for when you get mad...then you is red."

D: "You're red a lot Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Once again...outstanding observation."

Fun With Prefixes

I am introducing my students to some various prefixes. One of which is the prefix -pro. As an example, I use being proactive. The students immediately make a connection to this, which is wonderful. We enter...

R: "Proactive? You mean like that cream for people with nasty skin?"

Mr. A: "Well, actually that's a good correlation, because the Proactiv cream can be used early as a preventative measure for further outbreaks, so it works for the prefix."

R: "T be needing that for her greasy skin."

T: "Boy, I know you ain't calling me greasy with yo' banana boat looking self!"

Mr. A: "Ah, nonsensical name calling...that takes me back."

Second Chances

I have used the same management system for the past two years I have taught at this school. My students this year have had over 10 weeks to grow accustomed to this system. In essence, the system allows for a minimum of eight infractions of the expectations, or should we say eight chances, before a parent is called...pretty sufficient if you ask me. That being said, certain students seem to think they are being given the worst consequence the first time they break an expectation. R is one of these students. He has already broken expectations twelve times today when the thirteenth ensues in the hall. We enter...

Mr. A: "R, could you please get off the wall?"

R proceeds to punch the wall three times and kick it once.

Mr. A: "OK R, that is not being respectful, I'm going to have to mark you down on the behavior tracker."

R begins to sing a nice little tune...surprisingly somewhat catchy

R: "I hate Mr. A, I hate Mr. A, I hate Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Straight up, so you can go ahead and shred to the office now...you've sufficiently reached your limit."

R is now in a hysterical fit of tears...If he's looking to pluck heart strings with his emotion it's not working.

R: "No, no, please Mr. A...just give me one more chance...I promise I'll never do it again."

Mr. A: "Well, considering you were given a total of fourteen chances, not so sure the fifteenth is the charm, but it's nice to see remorse will ultimately set in for you."

Flashes of the Past

My students from last year have now found solace in coming into my room before school starts. This morning J, A, and R all decided to make their way to my school abode and interesting coversations ensued. We enter...

J: "Mr. A., you still finna use that card system to get people in trouble?"

Mr. A: "Well J, it was never a system that existed solely to get you in trouble. Rather, I was attempting to maximize your learning opportunities by tempering behavior issues."

A: "What you be talking about Mr. A?"

R: "Yeah my brotha from anotha motha, besides, I was always good."

Mr. A: "Fascinating R, evidently you have chosen to black out the time you chased down fellow classmates with scissors. Which was triggered due to the fact that we had nine vocabulary words that week instead of eight."

R: "What? I loved vocabulary. Give me some dap Mr. A."

Mr. A: "OK, but just a little dap."

J: "Ahhh, he still scanlous y'all."

Mr. A: "I told you before...scanlous 'til the end."

Career Options

M is not too happy right about now. He has been put through the torture of having his red card pulled, which essentially means I will be calling his mom. This frustrates M. I am trying to explain to him the importance of focusing on school and making better behavior choices. We enter...

Mr. A: "M, you need to start making some better behavior choices and focus on your education.

M: "I don't need to do that...I'm my own teacher."

Mr. A: "But I'm here to help you, and remember, the stronger reader you are, the better student you are. These can open up doors in life to more job opportunities."

M: "I don't care, I don't need a job when I grow up, I'm gonna be a hustla!"

Mr. A: "Hmmm, fascinating career choice, but perhaps we could focus on something a little more legal?"

The Physics of Urination

Students are provided ample opporntunity to use the restroom...ample opportunity. That being said, D continuously says she needs to use the restroom due to an emergency. On this particular occasion she decided to explain to me why. We enter...

D: "Mr. A I have to use it!"

Mr. A: "Right, much like you had to use it fifteen minutes ago when I let you go, and much like the 30 minutes prior to that when I let you go as well."

D: "Mr. A, I have to tell you something."

Mr. A: "OK, go ahead."

D: "Sometimes when I drink things up here (D points to her mouth) it has to come out down here (D points to her "southern region.")"

Mr. A: "Well, you see D, that's sort of the case for everyone. When we drink liquids, or eat food, the digestive system...you know what, just take the pass and go."

Year Two...Already?

OK kids, I'm back. This was hands down the shortest summer of my life. However, I did get to go back to the promise land that is Minnesota, so it was extremely therapeutic. That being said, I'm back teaching again. I know, I know. This year will be slightly different folks. This year Mr. A is teaching 3rd and 4th grade. However, I am still exposed to students of all ages, so there will be gems that cross grade levels.

I do apologize for not getting this started sooner, but things have been slightly intense. To be perfectly honest, I haven't even been writing down my gems during the day like I did last year. However, I couldn't fire this thing up and not give you something, so here we go...year two is officially under way for Teachable Quotes:

I am in the middle of breaking down the expectations for the students. I want to make sure that they understand that Mr. A does not put up with any nonsense. Every choice has a consequence. Most of the students are understanding this, but D is a little wary. We enter...

Mr. A: "OK third graders, we need to make sure that we are following these expectations, otherwise our not so good choices may give us some not so good consequences."

D: "What? I don't care, you can't do anything to me."

Mr. A: "I can call your mom."

D: "Oh snap...that is good."

I Made It?

My first year of teaching is over. Sometimes I feel like I just blacked out for the whole thing, but this blog has been a pretty jarring reminder. In all honesty though, it has been an amazing year. The purpose of this blog is to show the lighter side of my job. Although many of these chaotic things do not feel light while they are happening, they can certainly manifest into that form after the fact. Additionally, writing this stuff down has been a way for me to almost maintain my sanity. This is a difficult job. Without certain kinds of outlets one could begin to slip.

I truly am so proud of everything my students have done this year. The progression from hiding under tables, throwing random objects, fighting, constant threats, etc. to being able to make the growth they have in reading levels, math mastery, and more has been incredible to say the least. Are we where we need to be? No, but I know that the foundation has been laid and the importance of education has been revealed.

I will be welcoming several new teachers to my school next year, and am very excited to see the achievement I know awaits us. I will be teaching 3rd grade instead of 5th. Fortunately my old students are just a stone's throw away. Please join me next year if you finna get down with some more roasting and teachable quotes fun. Thanks for reading...see ya in the fall!

Skin Pigment

The last day of school consisted of going to a park. As such, I was wearing shorts for the first time all year. This was a major event for my students. We enter...

B: "Hey y'all, look at Mr. A's legs!"

A: "Ooooh, you need some lotion real bad Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Why do you say that?"

A: "Cause you be all ashy."

B: "Yeah Mr. A, that's the worst ash I ever seen cuz."

Mr. A: "That's not ash, that's the color of my skin."

A: "But it's so white. If you put some lotion on that mug you could probably get rid of some of that."

Mr. A: "Well it's not really possible to get rid of my skin pigment simply by applying lotion."

B: "Pigment? Mr. A you ain't finna start teaching us something right now on the last day of school when we ready to leave are you?"

Mr. A: "Life is just one big lesson B, but no, we have to board the bus now, so we'll just do a mini-lesson on the bus...you can sit next to me."

D: "Ha, B just got juiced by Mr. A."

Mr. A: "That's what I'm here for, just juicing to the end."

Personification

The students are all in the cafeteria for breakfast. As much as they pretend to not like me, they consistently crowd around the table where I sit each morning. P, a seventh grader, has noticed that some of the students have different bowls for their cereal than is typically the norm. It appears they had run out of the standard bowls and so they were using what looked liked disposable Tupperware. This excited P. We enter...

P: "Oooh, look at them bowls y'all got."

J: "Yeah, these is boosey man. They be all big and stupid looking."

Mr. A: "It's just a bowl, I feel like you're analyzing this too much."

P: "Yeah but Mr. A, look at them mugs!"

Mr. A: "No, I know. I see them. I guess I'm just not as perplexed by them as you are."

P: "Y'all look like homeless people eating out them dusty ass mugs. Them bowls is LD!"

Mr. A: "Well P, a bowl can't really take on the human characteristic of living with a learning disability. Well, I suppose in the literature arena it could, thus being referred to as personification."

P: "Huh? No one knows what that means Mr. A. All I'm saying is them bowls is LD Cuz, and all y'all look like homeless people eating from them."

Mr. A: "Note to self, stronger emphasis on literary terms for next year."

Interesting Philosophy D

The students were having their weekly DARE class. During this time they were supposed to be learning about "gateway drugs." However, D was clearly more interested in playing with his hooded sweathshirt. I approached him in an effort to point his attention in the right direction. We enter...

Mr. A: "D, what are you doing? You are making some poor choices and being very disrespectful to Officer Johnson right now."

D: "I was just finna look at my jacket Mr. A."

Mr. A: "I see that...may I ask why?"

D: "Well I was thinking about if people lived in jackets."

Mr. A: "If people lived in jackets?"

D: "Yeah, like you and all the other people with white mugs would be living in the pockets."

Mr. A: "OK."

D: "Yeah, and all the black folk be livin' in the hood son!"

B: "Juiced!"

Mr. A: "Why did I get juiced? Let's just go ahead and pay attention...juiced!"

Slightly Confused

My students have clearly watched too much Maury on TV, and heard too much about indentity theft. As such, they were clearly confused one day when they made the assumption that you could steal someone's identity by extracting a piece of their hair. I tried to clear this up for them in the hallway, but the fire was already too strong. We enter...

S: "I got a piece of J's hair, I'm finna steal your identity!"

J: "Girl you better not steal my identity. I ain't playin' wit' you!"

Mr. A: "You see the thing is guys..."

B plucks out a piece of D's hair from behind.

B: "Oh hell yeah, look at dis mug I got here! I be stealing D's identity hard over here...Juiced!"

D: "You best give me my identity back before I crack you in the mouth boy!"

B: "I'm gonna make you my daughter with this."

Mr. A: "No, once again, I think we're slightly confused with how this whole identity and DNA thing works. You see..."

R plucks out a piece of M's hair and claims he now has his identity. Pretty soon there is a bit of a melee in the hall as the students continue to try and "steal identities" from one another. I call Mr. F on the radio for reinforcements.

Mr. F: "What's going on up here?"

J: "S's dusty self be stealing my identity and then B stole D's identity and said he would make him his daughter, and then..."

Mr. F: "Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Yeah, that's pretty much how it went down. Apparently a mini-lesson on DNA will be on the schedule for next week."

Matchmaker

My school is connected to The Boys and Girls Club. As such, we often share the gym with the kids and their staff. Today R decided he would play Cupid and try and set me up with the female staff member at The Boys and Girls Club. Of course, I had no idea he was doing this. We enter...

R: "Don't worry Mr. A...I straight hooked you up cuz."

Mr. A: "I'm not really sure what this is in reference to."

R: "I went and told Ms. E that you finna go out with her."

Mr. A: "OK, the only issue is that I didn't say I wanted to go out with her."

R: "Yeah, but Mr. A, you need you some lovin' boy, and y'all would be perfect together."

Mr. A: "Oh yeah, why's that?"

R: "Cause she white."

Mr. A: "So by that rationale, any white woman would be perfect for me."

R: "Well I don't know, you two be the only white mugs up in this, so I thought it would work."

Mr. A: "Right...how about you just stick to basketball while we're in the gym."

You People

I have just finished playing an intense game of basketball with my students. In addition to hustling them on the court, my hair was a little on the wild side. I approached the drinking fountain with my students, and put some water in my hand to assist in matting down my hair. B questioned this. We enter...

B: "What you doing Mr. A? Why do you people always do that?"

Mr. A: "What do you mean, 'you people,' and what am I doing?"

B: "You be finna put water on yo' hand and stuff. You know, like white people always be doing that."

Mr. A: "You're telling me that white people, more than anyone else, have a tendency to put water on their hands?"

B: "Yeah, that's why y'alls hands always be soft like a baby's bottom and that."

Mr. A: "Well the thing about water B...actually, just forget it...you finna hit up some writing though? Us people love that stuff."

Twins Are In Town!

My beloved Minnesota Twins are in town this weekend. I announce to my class that I will be attending the game. They seemed excited at the prospect of seeing me outside of the classroom. We enter...

J: "So what day you going Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "My plan is to go on Saturday."

R: "Yeah, I'm finna go Saturday too! I'll be all up in that mug and finna roast on you about the Twins."

Mr. A: "Turns out there's a lot of people at those games, so you may not see me."

R: "Skip that, I finna find you so you can buy me some nachos...them mugs is dope!

B: "Hell no you dusty lil thang, Mr. A be finna buy me nachos cause I'm a playa and you soft."

R: "What boy? You soft like yo' Mama's pillow."

B: "But you can't whoop this soft boy...thought so."

Mr. A: "Perhaps we should take a step back. First of all, I'm not finna buy anyone nachos. Second of all, if I were to buy someone nachos, it would not be based on who could potentially beat up the other person. Finally, I see you guys too much. If I saw you on a Saturday...I would hide."

S: "Ohhhh, Mr. A be straight roasting again!"

The State is Boosey

My students recently finished their state testing. Prior to the testing, I had bribed them with a party if I determined they were giving their full effort and concentration throughout the testing. Today I announced who would and who would not be attending the party. L was not satisfied with the announcement. We enter...

L: "What! Damn Mr. A, why ain't you finna let me come to the hot chip party?"

Mr. A: "L, I laid out my expectations very clearly prior to testing. We know that much of success is measured by effort, and that is what I was looking for. You did not provide that effort. Therefore, you will not be attending the party."

L: "That's straight boosey! How you gonna tell me I didn't give no effort?"

Mr. A: "L, is it really necessary for me to be explicit about the nature of my decision in front of the rest of the class? Perhaps you and I could have a conversation after class?"

L: "Oh hell no, tell me...I want hot chips!"

Mr. A: "Well, in the middle of the mathematics session, you verbally declared that math was boosey, and you were not finna take this stupid ass test. You then proceeded to take the test, throw it at the wall, and tell me you were out cause you were finna shoot hoops."

L: "I'll take the test now."

Mr. A: "Sorry L, I'm kind of handcuffed by the state."

L: "The state is boosey...I'm finna shoot hoops."

L exits the room

Mr. A: "Exhibit A."

L Likes Food...What Can I Say?

We have been continuing to review for the state mandated test that is approaching. Currently we are studying how to tell time after a certain amount has elapsed. This particular question asked, "Katie is making potatoes, and she put them in the oven at 5:35 pm. If the potatoes need to cook for 1 hour and 30 minutes, what time should Katie take them out of the oven?" This question caught L's attention. We enter...

L: "What? Why is that girl fiinna cook those potatoes in the oven? When I be making potatoes, I finna put them in the microwave. Get some sour cream, and bacon, toss some cheese on that mug..."

S: "Boy! Do you ever stop thinking about food? With yo' big headed, fat self.

L: "Shut up you nappy haired komodo dragon." (We recently watched Planet Earth.)

S: "I'll shut up when you stop being ugly."

Mr. A: "As stimulating as this conversation is, how about we focus on the question, so you guys can succeed on this test. So L, what time will Katie have to take the potatoes out?"

L: "Huh? Katie should take them out of the microwave...five minutes after she puts it in."

Mr. A: "Alright, so clearly we still have our work cut out for us."

Incognito Tagging?

I approached E, an eigth grader, in the hallway as she was very clearly tagging the wall. The following conversation ensued. We enter...

Mr. A: "E, what do are you doing."

E: "I'm tagging this wall Mr. A."

Mr. A: "I see that...why?"

E: "Cause I'm tight like that."

Mr. A: "Right on...I hear that."

I walk into my room, grab a write-up sheet and begin writing up E in plain view so she can see me.

E: "Mr. A, you writing me up?"

Mr. A: "You know it."

E: "Why?"

Mr. A: "Cause I'm tight like that."

T: "Ohhhhhhh, you just got straight roasted E!"

Music Taste

It's tutoring time once again. The students are supposed to be tuning up their skills in language arts and math, but instead they feel like rapping inappropriate songs. They also were initially unaware that I knew these songs and that, just because they left out the last line, that didn't mean I was unaware where they were going with it. We enter...

D: "This lesson is boosey." In his best singing/rapping voice. "I'm gonna pick the world up and drop it on its..."

Mr. A: "OK, that's enough D, I know that song and I definitely don't need you to be finishing that line. Wouldn't it be more dope if you worked on some reading comprehension strategies right now?"

B: "Mr. A, ain't no one finna work on some dusty ass reading." In his best singing/rapping voice. "I can make your bed rock..."

Mr. A: "Yeah OK, also not appropriate during tutoring time."

D: "Mr. A, you just be hating cause you don't listen to rap."

Mr. A: "I actually do, but that's not what we're discussing right now."

D: "No way, you be listening to like...Mozart or somethin' else dusty...you know like, da na na na na na na na naaaaaaa." D begins to hum the tune to Beeethoven's Fur Elise."

Mr. A: "That's actually Beethoven."

D: "Damn Mr. A! Why you always gotta be knowing everything and roasting us. How do you know this stuff anyway?"

Mr. A: "I paid attention and worked during tutoring time."

The Test

It's that time of year...state standardized test time. I have been spending the last couple of weeks trying to get my students prepared both academically and mentally for this grueling process. During a practice session, they were becoming increasingly agitated about the difficulty of the questions. They were not afraid to make these frustrations known, and also had some inside tips as to how we could skirt the test. We enter...

B: "Mr. A, this mug is hard boy."

S: "Yeah Mr. A, ain't no one finna take this stupid ass thing...them words don't even make sense."

Mr. A: "Listen you guys, you can do this. Success is measured by effort. We've come a long way from the beginning of the year, and whether you've noticed it or not, you have all grown and learned a lot. The key is to not give up."

R: "So you finna be in here during the test right Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Well yeah, I have to be in here."

R: "That would be dope if you just gave us the answers, then we would all look tight."

Mr. A: "That would be cheating R, it's unethical, immoral and illegal. If we were caught, your tests would be shredded and I would potentially be fired."

L: "That would be even more tight, maybe them light skinned dudes from the news would come and talk to us about Mr. A getting fired. Then I'd be on TV and I'd flex and look all sexy."

R: "Ain't no one wanna look at yo' dusty, grizzly bear looking self...them mugs would interview me, and I'd tell them Mr. A made me cheat, then they be finna feel sorry for me, and that gets the ladies."

Mr. A: "Thanks for the support guys."

J: "We just playin' Mr. A, you actually pretty cool...you have hot chips."

Mr. A: "Indeed I do...indeed I do."

If It Keeps Him Away From It...

As previously mentioned, my students have a drug education class once a week. During this particular class period they were playing a game of "Drug Awareness Baseball" in which they needed to answer questions about drugs to reach base, score runs, etc. D confidently strides to the plate. We enter...

Drug Ed Teacher: "OK D...what are two things that happen when you smoke marijuana?"

D: "Ummm...I finna say...."

S: "Will you hurry up boy! If yo' dusty self can't get a hit we lose the game. If we lose the game then I don't get no Laffy Taffy. If I don't get no Laffy Taffy, I finna molly whomp you."

D: "Girl, ain't no one can concentrate when yo' amazon looking self keeps talking...I would say that your breath smells bad, and no one likes you."

Drug Ed Teacher: "Not really the answer I was looking for...but I'll accept it since they were negative things."

S: "Laffy Taffy y'all!"

Mr. A: "Well clearly we have established how to keep you away from drugs...bribe you with candy."

Spring Break

It is currently Spring Break...and Mr. A couldn't be more happy about it. That being said, Mr. A did receive three new students right before the break so there will undoubtedly be many good posts to come...just living the dream.

Nature Saavy

Before reading a story that took place in a forest of the Northwest, I challenged my students. I challenged them to collectively name 15 different kinds of trees. If they could accomplish such a feat, I would give them each a Tootsie Roll. They were able to name 8 legitimate types of trees before the following event ensued. We enter...

D: "I got one Mr. A! You know them trees? They be on the beach an' all dat stuff?

R: "Oh yeah, them mugs is dope...they're called beach trees."

Mr. A: "No, sorry guys, there is no such thing as a beach tree...good try though."

A: "Yeah there is Mr. A, they be all up in warm places like...like you know warm places where there be beaches nearby."

Mr. A: "Are you guys referring to a palm tree perhaps?"

B: "Ohhhhh, Mr. A be straight roasting on you guys! You be finna name a tree and you're all wrong and then Mr. A the egghead rolls in and be finna straight roast y'all with the right answer."

Mr. A: "Thanks B, but I can honestly say I was not 'finna straight roast anyone'...I was merely attempting to clarify the response."

B: "Whatever you say Mr. A...you better at roasting than you think."

That's One Way To Break Up A Fight

E and S are taking their verbal argument to the next level. They begin to fight in the commons area of the school. Meanwhile, L has been complaining of a stomach ache, but L complains about a lot of things. We enter...

E: "Girl, I finna pull the weave right out of yo hair!"

S: "But you can't whoop this weave and yo mama's on Prospect again tonight!"

E: "Then do somethin'!"

S throws a punch and E retaliates. I jump in to break it up...standard practice.

L: "Mr. A, I gots the bubble guts cuzz."

Mr. A: "Not now L, go get Mr. F!"

Evidently L wasn't playing. He proceeds to projectile vomit in the midst of the fight. Surprisingly this was quite effective at breaking up the altercation.

S: "Oh, you musty L."

E: "Damn boy, it's all red too...he shouldn't a been finna eat so many hot chips!"

Mr. A: "Well this is helpful to the situation...thanks life."

Senior Citizen

The topic of age found its way into the classroom...again. My students are convinced that, despite looking like I'm 18-years-old, I am extremely old in age. They tend to run with this concept sometimes in a feeble, yet humorous, attempt to "roast" me. We enter...

B: "Yeah Mr. A, you straight old wodie."

Mr. A: "I'm really not you guys. We go over this again and again, 26 is pretty young relatively speaking."

J: "Nah Mr. A, you just be relatively old."

T: "Mr. A's dusty self finna be all up in a nursing home tomorrow...that'd be dope, then we wouldn't have any school."

Mr. A: "Yeah, it doesn't really work that way."

L: "Mr. A, you finna already smell like an old dude...like Ben Gay and all dat stuff."

Mr. A: "Moving on...who likes reading comprehension strategies!"

Older Women

Two female, high school students are spending the week in my classroom. Their school requires them to do 30 hours of volunteer service, and somehow, they were fortunate enough to end up in Mr. A's classroom...don't act like you're not jealous. It didn't take L long to try and work his magic on the high school girls. We enter...

Mr. A: "So I would like to introduce all of you to A and E who will be working with us the next week. They are here to help but you need to show them the same respect that you are expected to show to all adults.

L: "What's your name?"

A: "A."

L: "That's cool...you finna give me your digits?"

A: "Ummm."

Mr. A: "L! It is entirely inappropriate to ask her that question."

L: "Mr. A, give me a second, I'm finna make a move over here."

Mr. A: "OK L, let's make a move...let's make a move right on over to the phone and you can tell your mom what you're trying to do in the classroom."

L: "No! I'll stop finna get my swerve on, just don't call my mom!"

Mr. A: "A lady killer's line L."

L: "Huh?"

Mr. A: "Nevermind...whose ready for some geometry?"

I Just Wanted a Few Pizzas

At the beginning of the year I told my students I would reward them with a pizza party if they could get 25 compliments from different adults in the building. Although it took nearly 6 months, they did it. I spoke with other staff at my school and they informed me no pizza places would delver to the neighborhood my school was in. I refused to believe this and called the pizza place myself. We enter...

Mr. A: "Yeah I'd like to order a few pizzas for delivery tomorrow."

Pizza Guy: "OK, and where will the delivery be?"

I provide him with the address

Pizza Guy: "Oh no, we don't deliver there."

Mr. A: "Why not, it's a school."

Pizza Guy: "Yeah a school right in the middle of the Murder Factory."

Mr. A: "So, where are we gonna land on this one? Despite being a pizza delivery place, are you really not going to deliver pizza to a school?"

Pizza Guy: "Yeah, we're not gonna send anyone there."

I break the news to my students that the pizza place won't deliver to the school

L: "Of course they don't deliver here, we in the Murder Factory Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Wow...not exactly like Stillwater, Minnesota."

B: "Minnesota again Mr. A? You ain't finna start talking bout the boosey Vikings again are you?"

Field Trip Fun

Thirty of the students were rewarded for "good behavior" by being taken on a field trip to a hands on science center. I was rewarded for being awesome by being allowed to chaperone said field trip. The day was going relatively smooth until J and G engaged in a massive argument over a pair of glasses. They attempted to fight, through my restraint, while the other patrons of the science center gawked in fear as they waited for World War III to ensue. We enter...

G: "You triflin' little girl! You know those glasses ain't yours. You look like a damn fool wearing them anyway."

J: "Oh yeah B****, well this fool about to whoop on you."

G: "Say it to my face you dusty ass little trick. I'll pull the weave right out yo' hair."

Mr. A: "That's enough. This is ridiculous. You are arguing over a pair of glasses and you are trying to fight in public. There are people watching and you are embarrassing yourselves and the school."

G: "Don't nobody care about that Mr. A. If this little girl wanna roast then she bouts to get molly whomped right here...I don't give no damn about no science place."

J: "But you can't whoop this, but you can't whoop this!!"

Finally reinforcements arrive to help me separate the two and get them out. L approaches me looking disappointed.

L: "Triflin' little girls. We can't go anywhere can we Mr. A? Why we always gotta be fighting?"

Mr. A: "L, I guess it's fitting we're at a science center because you have a light bulb over the top of your head right now."

L: "Huh? What you talking about Mr. A? You being scanlous again?"

Mr. A: "Ha ha ha...forget it L, let's check out another exhibit."

Skin Confusion

During free time at the end of the day on Friday, I showed the students a rhythm I know how to do using a cup. It's a fairly standard drum beat with some flash sprinkled in...they loved it, and the following conversation ensued. We enter...

R: "Dang Mr. A, that was tight boy!"

B: "Yea, how you do that beat with that mug? You straight got rhythm!"

R: "You must be mixed huh Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Why do you say that R?"

R: "Cause ain't no white person got rhythm like that, so I thought you was mixed."

B: "Are you high boy? How you gonna say something that boosey? Look at Mr. A...if that ain't white..."

Mr. A: "Yeah, hate to break it to you R...but I am white."

Re-writing History

The students engage in a computer program each day called "Read About." This program essentially helps the students with their comprehension skills. Today, B was reading about George Washington. We enter...

B: "Mr. A, I don't know who this person is."

Mr. A: "OK, well let's take a look at it together. It looks like you are reading about the very first President of our country. Can you say his name for me?"

B: "George..."

L: "I know who that mug is Mr. A! That boy is George Clooney! Ha, I straight roasted you B, you don't even know who the first President was."

Mr. A: "Actually L, George Clooney is an actor in Hollywood. He wouldn't have been alive over 200 years ago when our first President took office."

L: "What you talking about? He white ain't he?"

Mr. A: "Yes, George Clooney is white."

L: "And he rich ain't he?"

Mr. A: "Yes, being a Hollywood actor I would imagine he has a lot of money."

L: "So what's the difference?"

New Lessons

It is my honor to monitor breakfast for the whole school each morning. I am consistently blown away by how much energy, anger and fervor exist at this time in the morning. Additionally, I am blown away by the lack of housekeeping as the students constantly neglect to throw away their plates of food. This morning was no different, as I grabbed a plate of half eaten waffles to throw away. We enter...

C: "Mr. A! What the hell you think you doing?"

Mr. A: "Well C, the half eaten plate of waffles with syrup spilling onto the table was a real nice touch to the room, but I thought maybe I'd throw it in the trash."

C: "Throw it in the dusty ass trash! Mr. A, don't you know you don't touch a black person's food?"

Mr. A: "Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and plead ignorance on this one...enjoy the waffles C."

C: "Damn straight...all up in here trying to throw this mug in the trash."

Mr. A: "Let it go C, we're talking about a half of a frozen waffle."

Gracious Hosts

One of my professors from Grad School was kind enough to come in and co-teach a lesson with me. Although I bribed my kids in an effort to achieve good behavior, we had some minor setbacks. We enter...

Professor: " It's great to be here guys! I'm very excited to read this story with you all today."

L: "What you got a cold?"

Professor: "Yes I do, I can't seem to get rid of it."

L: "Your nose is all red."

Professor: "I'm sure it is."

L: "Sittin' there lookin' like a dusty ol' Rudolph."

Viking Let Down

It is well documented in my classroom that Mr. A is a huge fan of the Minnesota Vikings. Following a massively disappointing loss in the NFC Championship game, Mr. A's students found it entertaining to make fun of him. We enter...

Mr. A: "So does anybody have any questions about what's expected of them?"

J: "Yeah, I have a question Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Go ahead J."

J: "The dusty, big headed Vikings lost...ha ha ha ha."

Mr. A: "Thanks J, I noticed...and not a question."

L: "I have a question Mr. A. The Vikings got they butts played by the Saints. Man, I was watching that mug like, damn boy!"

B: "Hey, Mr. A...too bad the Vikings lost and you still have to a buy us a pizza party!"

Mr. A: "No I don't. The deal was we would have a pizza party if the Vikings made it to the Super Bowl...they lost."

J: "What, we don't get no pizza party? Man you scanlous Mr. A."

L: "Yea, that's straight triflin."

Mr. A: "Hey guys I have a question...ha ha, you don't get a pizza party!"

Technicalities

On their way into class from gym, T proceeds to tell me that J shoved her into the wall. I summon J to ask her about the incident. We enter...

Mr. A: "OK J, tell me what happened in the hallway."

J: "Mr. A, I didn't do nuthin, whatever that dusty girl said is a lie."

Mr. A: "Well, you don't know what she said, so how do you know it's a lie."

J: "Cause she dusty."

Mr. A: "Well, that doesn't really work in this situation, but I did hear that you pushed her into the wall."

J: "What? Oh hell no, how she gonna lie on me like that, I didn't push her."

Mr. A: "You didn't put your hands on her?"

J: "I mean I pushed her, but it wasn't technically a push. I just pushed her with my hands."

Mr. A: "Hm, OK, well a push is with your hands...so, technically you did push her."

J: "Whatever, you triflin' Mr. A."

Snow Week!!

So it turns out this lovely city has no clue how to remove precipitation when it comes in form of snow. As a result, not only did we get a snow day...oh no, we got a snow week. One whole week with no school. Needless to say, it was one of the most magical experiences of my life. Although, it didn't really do justice my blog here. No worries, we returned to school today and I can guarantee you the quotes will follow.