Serenity Now

Mentally prepping myself for the new semester...to be continued in 6 days.

Selecting a Cupcake

S has brought cupcakes to our Holiday Party and is passing them out to students.

S: "L, what kind you want boy? Chocolate or Vanilla?

L: "I'm finna take chocolate cause I got sexy, chocolate eyes."

S: "Boy, just take the cupcake you dusty grizzly bear."

S: "What kind do you want Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Thank you S, I would love a vanilla cupcake."

B: "Oh big suprise...the whitest guy in the school picks that vanilla mug."

Mr. A: "I like vanilla...I don't have as good of a reasoning for my selection as L."

Focusing on What's Important

R has been talking about some pizza he ate last night all day. I am busy helping T with the rough draft of her essay.

R: "Mr. A! Mr. A! I need help, I need help!"

Mr. A: "Just a minute R, I need to finish with T."

R.: "Forget her dusty essay, I finna need help now!"

Mr. A: "OK R, what's up?"

R. "Did I tell you about the pizza I ate last night, that mug was good Mr. A. I was finna eat that thing in no time."

Mr. A: "How's the essay coming R?"

R: "Mr. A, why you always finna change the subject to school?"

Mr. A: "I know, teachers are always finna do those kinds of things...how inconsiderate of us."

R: "So back to my pizza..."

New Friends

It has taken some time, but the students are really starting to warm up to me. That being said, one student may be warming up a little too much.

R: "Mr. A, you finna sleep over at my house this weekend?"

Mr. A: "R, I don't think I can do that. It's not really appropriate for teachers to sleep over at their students' houses.

R: "Why, I ain't finna do nuthin' dusty, my mom said it was ok...she'll make chili dogs yo."

Mr. A: "Hmm, well I do love a good chili dog, but again, it's really not appropriate for a teacher to sleep over at a student's house."

R: "Have it your way. I'm finna be munching out on chili dogs while you're home by yourself on a Friday night."

L: "Ohhhh, you just got straight roasted Mr. A!"

Drug Users

Every Monday the students have 'Substance Abuse' education. Today their lesson was on steroids. However, the conversation somehow found its way back to crackheads.

R: "Hey Mr. A., don't you think crackheads love steroids...they finna love anything that messes them up."

L: "What are you L.D. boy? Crackheads don't like steroids, they can't afford that stuff, that's why they're crack heads."

R: "Your a crackhead."

L: "Well this crackhead finna to crack you in the head, with yo dusty self."

Birthday Gifts

L and B are fighting...again...shocker.

B: "Boy I finna crack you right in the skull."

Mr. A: "That's enough...you go through this everyday, how do you not get sick of it?"

L: "Don't worry Mr. A, that light skin boy ain't gonna do nothin after I drop him off a three story building...Mr. A, it's my birthday next week, you have to get me something...I like extra credit."

Mr. A: "Right now...really?"

Nice Break

Thanksgiving has provided me with a nice un-dusty break from this blog. To be continued in two days...

At Least They're Concerned About Me

It is 7:30 am and the students are in the cafeteria for breakfast. Two seventh graders begin to fight and I step in to break it up...standard practice. As I'm trying to break it up one of the boys knocks my coffee cup out of my hand and it spills out on the floor...we enter:

G: "You made me spill Mr. A's coffee motha f*****! Now it's on!

G gets one hit in before I can get him away.

G: "I'm sorry Mr. A but I'm sick of that kid always running his mouth, and then he made me knock your coffee on the floor so I had to crack him."

Mr. A: "The great thing about coffee G is that I can always brew more, you've got to find a better way to deal with your anger."

G: "I'm sorry Mr. A, you're right, do you want me to get you more coffee?"

Mr. A: "Thanks, but you've got to go to in school suspension now."

The Original Pilgrim

The students are planning a skit they will put on for a Thanksgiving Feast we are having for the families. The current debate, and there are many, is centered around who will play Native Americans and who will play Pilgrims...we enter:

T: "This is boosey, I ain't finna to play no stupid pilgrim. You should play the pilgrim R, you dusty."

R: "Girl, I know you ain't telling me to play no pilgrim, with yo fat wrecking ball looking self. Mr. A, maybe you should be the pilgrim. I mean, not to be racist or anything, but you are the original color.

Mr. A: "It's OK R, the Pilgrims were white, and so am I, it's not racist to say the color of our skin. Unfortunately this is for students only, so it appears we're back to square one...awesome."

Thanks For The Affirmation Guys

The students are making character profiles on the computer for a game

R: "What you dusty game, I don't wanna be some dusty white guy...oh my bad, sorry Mr. A."
J: "Yeah, shut yo big headed self up R. You're not like most dusty white people Mr. A, you're cool."
Mr. A: "Thanks J, I'm glad I'm not dusty."

Creative Name Calling

R: "Who you think you talking to you dusty grizzly bear?"
S: "Boy I don't have to listen to you and yo big headed self. Sittin' over there looking like a dusty mushroom."
R: "Girl I know you ain't calling me a mushroom...with yo car battery looking self."
Mr. A: "That's enough...do you guys honestly even hear yourselves when you talk?"

Short Memories

Mr. A: "R, you need to sit down and fill out that reflection sheet. I want you to think about what your bad behavior choices were."
R: "But Mr. A, I don't even remember what I did."
Mr. A: "Well, for starters you were trying to kick a hole in my wall and continued to say 'Deuces, you stupid wall!'"
R: "Why did I do that?"
Mr. A: "Because we had 8 vocabulary words this week instead of 7."

Parent/Teahcer Conference

L's Mother has just sat down for her son's conference

Mom: "Oooh boy, you look awfully young to be a teacher, these kids must be eating you alive. What are you 23?

Mr. A: "I'm 25, but I hold my own. It doesn't matter what they say, they're still 11-years-old."

The conference is coming to a close

Mom: "Thank you so much for what you're doing for my son...where have you been the last five years for his schooling?

Mr. A: "Getting eaten alive in college."

Fun With Science

Mr. A: "Matter is anything that has mass and occupies space. All matter is made up of many molecules."
D: "I bet your head has like a million molecules Mr. A, cause you got a big ol' head."
J: "What you talking about boy? Mr. A has a nice head. Yo dusty self is the one with all the dusty ass molecules...I ain't playin...with yo big headed self."

Feeling Minnesota

L: "Mr. A where did you go to college?"
B: "Boy. why you always asking that? He never shuts up about the Vikings, and he gives us tickets when we talk about Minnesota...it was in Minnesota right Mr. A?"
Mr. A: "I went to the University of Minnesota."
L: "Is that in Minnesota? If I say I'm finna to go to school there can I have some Skittles."

They've Got Me Pegged

E: "Are you married Mr. A?"
Mr. A: "Well E, that doesn't really have anything to do with line graphs, but no I'm not. See, no ring.
L: "Man, that don't mean nuthin Mr. A. You just take your ring off cause you finna to get your swerve on this weekend and it's easier to do without a ring."
Mr. A: "L, I can honestly say that I'm not 'finna to get my swerve on this weekend.'"

(We enter Mr. A's classroom as L and B are ready to fight.)
B: "Shut yo dusty ass up son, fo I stab you in your mouth!"
L: "You ain't gonna do nuthin, I'll crack your skull open...Mr. A, will you take me to Walgreens after school so I can get my mama a birthday card?"
Mr. A: "Get out."

A New Take On "Shiloh"

Mr. A: "So what can we infer about what Marty's Ma is saying to Shiloh's owner, Judd.
T: "I can infer that Marty's Ma should have stabbed Judd right in his big, dusty eye...I ain't playin."
Mr. A: "Interesting point T, what strategies did you use to make that inference."
T: "Huh? I'm just saying that guy is triflin and was finna to get stabbed."

Desperation

L: "Are you calling my Dad right now to tell him I'm having a good day?"
Mr. A: "Well L, considering you just ripped your progress report in half, threw my overhead markers, and then threatened every student in the class, I was kind of leaning a different direction."

Soul Food

L: "D, you don't like corn bread, meat loaf, or chicken?"
D: "Nah son."
L:"Boy you don't like any black people food. Mr. A's got more soul than you."

Horrible Liars

Mr. A: "J, are you eating sunflower seeds? You know I don't allow food in here."
J: "How you gonna tell me I'm eating sunflower seeds, I don't even know what a sunflower seed looks like Mr. A. Why you always comin' at me?"
Mr. A: "Well, my first clue was the pile of seeds around you...then I saw the bag of sunflower seeds sticking out of your pocket. So I put two and two together."
J: "They're not mine..."
Mr. A: "Just throw them away...you guys aren't as good at this as you think you are."

Geographical Geniuses Part 3

S: "How you gonna tell me South America is south of us, man that's scandalous Mr. A."
Mr. A: "Yep S, Magellan and NASA do have a tendency to be scandalous."

Mythology

Mr. A: "Who here has ever heard of the Loch Ness Monster?"
J: "What's that, some kind of monster? Is it lunch yet?"
Mr. A: "No, it's not. In fact you ate lunch three hours ago."
J: "Then what are we still doing here? Deuces." (starts to walk out of room.)

Stances on Football

Mr. A: "Tell you what guys, if the Chiefs win this Sunday I'll give you ten extra minutes of recess."
J: "Boy, they better win, I ain't playin. If they lose I'm gonna punch Larry Johnson right in his dusty throat."

Perceptive Students

J: "So Mr. A since it's Friday tomorrow, are you gonna be happier and nicer like you usually are?"
Mr. A: "Is it that obvious?"
J: "Yeah."

Halloween

L: "Where y'all gonna go trick or treatin'?"
B: "I don't know, my neighborhood probably."
L: "No way, I'm finna to go to some rich, white neighborhood...where do you live Mr. A?"

Bathroom Breaks

(In the Boys Bathroom)
Mr. A: "D, you need to hurry up in there, you've already wasted two minutes of my time."
D: "Yeah, but Mr. A. I gotta use it. This ain't even like a number two...it's like a number 15."

Geographical Geniuses Part 2

B: "You know what my favorite state is Mr. A?"
Mr. A. "What's that B?"
B: "Idaho, you know why?"
Mr. A. "No, that's fine B...I think I got it."

Geographical Geniuses

L: "Mr. A, are the Rocky Mountains named after The Rock?"
Mr. A: "Yes L, yes they are."

Welcome To My Life

At the request of several different people, I have been asked to start this blog. I currently teach a 5th grade class at an inner city alternative Charter School. That's right, alternative Charter School. My days are full of threats, and unfortunate low academic output. It is my goal to give these kids everything I can to give them some of the opportunities I was lucky to have growing up. They lead extremely rough and tumultuous lives. They have seen and experienced more by age 11 than anyone should in a life time.

They are also full of hilarious quotes and one-liners. That's where this blog comes in. When time permits I will share some of these zingers with all of you. I will not be revealing the names or location of my school for privacy's sake, so all names will simply be letters. No need to worry though, you'll still be able to identify with them the same way I do. Hope you enjoy, and I'll start you off with this one.

R: "Yes, it's Friday. Deuces Mr. A, I'm finnin' to get my swerve on this weekend!"
Mr. A: "It's 10:30 am R...sit down."