Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Older Women

Two female, high school students are spending the week in my classroom. Their school requires them to do 30 hours of volunteer service, and somehow, they were fortunate enough to end up in Mr. A's classroom...don't act like you're not jealous. It didn't take L long to try and work his magic on the high school girls. We enter...

Mr. A: "So I would like to introduce all of you to A and E who will be working with us the next week. They are here to help but you need to show them the same respect that you are expected to show to all adults.

L: "What's your name?"

A: "A."

L: "That's cool...you finna give me your digits?"

A: "Ummm."

Mr. A: "L! It is entirely inappropriate to ask her that question."

L: "Mr. A, give me a second, I'm finna make a move over here."

Mr. A: "OK L, let's make a move...let's make a move right on over to the phone and you can tell your mom what you're trying to do in the classroom."

L: "No! I'll stop finna get my swerve on, just don't call my mom!"

Mr. A: "A lady killer's line L."

L: "Huh?"

Mr. A: "Nevermind...whose ready for some geometry?"

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I Just Wanted a Few Pizzas

At the beginning of the year I told my students I would reward them with a pizza party if they could get 25 compliments from different adults in the building. Although it took nearly 6 months, they did it. I spoke with other staff at my school and they informed me no pizza places would delver to the neighborhood my school was in. I refused to believe this and called the pizza place myself. We enter...

Mr. A: "Yeah I'd like to order a few pizzas for delivery tomorrow."

Pizza Guy: "OK, and where will the delivery be?"

I provide him with the address

Pizza Guy: "Oh no, we don't deliver there."

Mr. A: "Why not, it's a school."

Pizza Guy: "Yeah a school right in the middle of the Murder Factory."

Mr. A: "So, where are we gonna land on this one? Despite being a pizza delivery place, are you really not going to deliver pizza to a school?"

Pizza Guy: "Yeah, we're not gonna send anyone there."

I break the news to my students that the pizza place won't deliver to the school

L: "Of course they don't deliver here, we in the Murder Factory Mr. A."

Mr. A: "Wow...not exactly like Stillwater, Minnesota."

B: "Minnesota again Mr. A? You ain't finna start talking bout the boosey Vikings again are you?"

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Field Trip Fun

Thirty of the students were rewarded for "good behavior" by being taken on a field trip to a hands on science center. I was rewarded for being awesome by being allowed to chaperone said field trip. The day was going relatively smooth until J and G engaged in a massive argument over a pair of glasses. They attempted to fight, through my restraint, while the other patrons of the science center gawked in fear as they waited for World War III to ensue. We enter...

G: "You triflin' little girl! You know those glasses ain't yours. You look like a damn fool wearing them anyway."

J: "Oh yeah B****, well this fool about to whoop on you."

G: "Say it to my face you dusty ass little trick. I'll pull the weave right out yo' hair."

Mr. A: "That's enough. This is ridiculous. You are arguing over a pair of glasses and you are trying to fight in public. There are people watching and you are embarrassing yourselves and the school."

G: "Don't nobody care about that Mr. A. If this little girl wanna roast then she bouts to get molly whomped right here...I don't give no damn about no science place."

J: "But you can't whoop this, but you can't whoop this!!"

Finally reinforcements arrive to help me separate the two and get them out. L approaches me looking disappointed.

L: "Triflin' little girls. We can't go anywhere can we Mr. A? Why we always gotta be fighting?"

Mr. A: "L, I guess it's fitting we're at a science center because you have a light bulb over the top of your head right now."

L: "Huh? What you talking about Mr. A? You being scanlous again?"

Mr. A: "Ha ha ha...forget it L, let's check out another exhibit."

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Skin Confusion

During free time at the end of the day on Friday, I showed the students a rhythm I know how to do using a cup. It's a fairly standard drum beat with some flash sprinkled in...they loved it, and the following conversation ensued. We enter...

R: "Dang Mr. A, that was tight boy!"

B: "Yea, how you do that beat with that mug? You straight got rhythm!"

R: "You must be mixed huh Mr. A?"

Mr. A: "Why do you say that R?"

R: "Cause ain't no white person got rhythm like that, so I thought you was mixed."

B: "Are you high boy? How you gonna say something that boosey? Look at Mr. A...if that ain't white..."

Mr. A: "Yeah, hate to break it to you R...but I am white."


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Re-writing History

The students engage in a computer program each day called "Read About." This program essentially helps the students with their comprehension skills. Today, B was reading about George Washington. We enter...

B: "Mr. A, I don't know who this person is."

Mr. A: "OK, well let's take a look at it together. It looks like you are reading about the very first President of our country. Can you say his name for me?"

B: "George..."

L: "I know who that mug is Mr. A! That boy is George Clooney! Ha, I straight roasted you B, you don't even know who the first President was."

Mr. A: "Actually L, George Clooney is an actor in Hollywood. He wouldn't have been alive over 200 years ago when our first President took office."

L: "What you talking about? He white ain't he?"

Mr. A: "Yes, George Clooney is white."

L: "And he rich ain't he?"

Mr. A: "Yes, being a Hollywood actor I would imagine he has a lot of money."

L: "So what's the difference?"

New Lessons

It is my honor to monitor breakfast for the whole school each morning. I am consistently blown away by how much energy, anger and fervor exist at this time in the morning. Additionally, I am blown away by the lack of housekeeping as the students constantly neglect to throw away their plates of food. This morning was no different, as I grabbed a plate of half eaten waffles to throw away. We enter...

C: "Mr. A! What the hell you think you doing?"

Mr. A: "Well C, the half eaten plate of waffles with syrup spilling onto the table was a real nice touch to the room, but I thought maybe I'd throw it in the trash."

C: "Throw it in the dusty ass trash! Mr. A, don't you know you don't touch a black person's food?"

Mr. A: "Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and plead ignorance on this one...enjoy the waffles C."

C: "Damn straight...all up in here trying to throw this mug in the trash."

Mr. A: "Let it go C, we're talking about a half of a frozen waffle."